Okay, kids, let’s do what Disney couldn’t – today we’re going to find a new home in Walt Disney World for the Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights!
WAIT, WHAT’S THE OSBORNE FAMILY SPECTACLE OF DANCING LIGHTS?
Alas and alack, it’s been long enough now that some of you might not know what I’m talking about. You can just ask Wikipedia if you like, but in the immortal words of Inigo Montoya, let me sum up.
The Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights were originally a private light display, a sort of National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, over-the-top, every-square-inch-of-yard level of Christmas decoration. A man named Jennings Osborne covered his Little Rock home in lights to please his daughter, and as the years progressed the display grew larger and larger, even taking over the houses next door.
As you might imagine, this impressive tableau drew a lot of attention, to the point where the neighborhood suffered from traffic jams and crowding. Eventually a series of lawsuits shut the whole thing down.
Jennings Osborne now found himself looking for a new home for his beloved lights. Disney to the rescue! They struck up a deal to bring the Osborne Spectacle of Dancing Lights to Walt Disney World. The entire display was transferred to Residential Street, which was the fake backlot area of Disney’s Hollywood Studios.
The lights were up starting in early November through early January every year from 1995 until January of 2016, when it was announced that Residential Street would be closing in favor of Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge.
P.S. This is a very truncated history. I highly encourage you to check out that Wikipedia link above if you’re not familiar with the tale.
WHAT WAS THE OSBORNE SPECTACLE OF DANCING LIGHTS LIKE?
In a word: magical. I mean, a hardcore multi-street Christmas light display in the heart of Walt Disney World? Including a faux New York City? With holiday music and fake snow floating through the air? As the name suggests, the lights would sometimes also “dance” (read: coordinated blinking) to Christmas carols.
There were also specialty snacks and drinks at little pop-up bars and souvenir Christmas light necklaces and headbands and cocoa and cookies and generalized good cheer. Back when the Wine & Dine Half Marathon was still a night race, you could even run through them.
Basically it was Disney when it’s at its best: not just riding on the back of thrills, but creating a vibe. At its core, the Osborne Spectacle of Dancing Lights was a comparatively simple attraction, but it had a feeling. That’s Disney to me. As much as everyone loves Batuu, a part of me still mourns the loss.
BUT WHAT IF WE COULD BRING THEM BACK…?
Let me be clear: the Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights are not coming back, and that is a sad but well-known fact. The lights were donated to the Give Kids the World Village, and dang, if they had to go somewhere, I can’t think of anywhere better.
Still, just for our own personal amusement, I thought it would be fun to ponder – what if Disney hadn’t shut down the lights for good? What if the Spectacle of Dancing Lights had found a new home elsewhere in Walt Disney World?
I polled my Instagram followers, inviting them to tell me where they’d put the lights if they were in charge. Given that this was a thought exercise, I encouraged them to be as realistic or UNrealistic as they cared to be.
And with that absolute goldmine of forward-thinking, let’s jump into where you’d put the Osborne Family Spectacle of Dancing Lights!
REALISTIC NEW HOMES FOR THE OSBORNE SPECTACLE OF DANCING LIGHTS
Many of you said exactly what I say, which is that the most logical fit would be none other than Disney Springs! I genuinely think this could’ve worked if Disney had decided to make the move. Disney Springs has an advantage of space that few other areas of WDW can boast. Set the whole thing up around the lake and you’re in business. Bonus: even more people coming to the area means even more people in the shops means every more money spent! And isn’t that what Disney is all about?
Another realistic suggestion I fielded was to find a currently completely unused area of WDW’s 47 square miles to set up Christmas camp. Think a walkthrough in a remote parking lot or field. Or I hear the Halcyon is empty. 😜
LESS REALISTIC SPOTS
I also got a lot of votes for Epcot, and I do see why – this park can absorb the largest crowds, and there are some reasonable spaces for the lights. I can see them going up around World Showcase lagoon, or even on the islets contained therein. Still, I categorize this one as less realistic as Epcot already has a lot going on during the holidays. Disney would want to plus an area in need, not gild the lily.
Another idea which I LOVED was to put the lights on Tom Sawyer Island. (Yes, Tom Sawyer Island is closing soon, but as we’re performing a thought exercise as it is we’ll roll with it.) Per my “plussing” note above, I think Tom Sawyer Island would be AMAZING as a new home for a Christmas display. It’s not a popular attraction as it stands; adding the Osborne Lights would generate buzzy demand, and there’s plenty of space. I have to call it less realistic, though, as I can see HUGE lines forming for the island rafts to and from. Not great for guest satisfaction.
VERY UNREALISTIC SPOTS
Time to get wacky!
I got a couple callouts for Main Street USA in the Magic Kingdom. As gorgeous as that would be, Main Street is already packed with people. Can you imagine the crush if the Dancing Lights were overlaid on the buildings? And just forget about finding a spot for fireworks.
I also fielded one yea for Cinderella Castle. Now, I’m not sure if they meant around Cinderella Castle, but I like to think they meant literally on. Talk about your chaotic visuals, but it would be pretty neat! Yet if Disney won’t even bring the dang Dreamlights back, they certainly wouldn’t go through the effort of festooning the castle for an entire Osborne light display.
Similarly, I received a proposition in favor of the Hollywood Tower Hotel. That would certainly keep it within the traditional Hollywood Studios, and you can’t say there wouldn’t be enough real estate up and down the face of the hotel! But while I would get a huge kick out of the dichotomy between the festive decor and the ominous screams, I’m not sure horror is the reason for the season. One person did say Sunset Boulevard in its entirety, which would be more doable…
HERE’S WHAT I WOULD DO
And finally, here’s an off the wall contribution from yours truly: Kilimanjaro Safaris! I know – it would never work because it wouldn’t be safe for the animals. Figment kindly asks that you use your imagination: would that we were able, Kilimanjaro Safaris would be a killer setting for a holiday light display.
Can you picture your safari truck rounding the corner and the savanna unfolding before you, full of color and music, giraffes and kudu and wildebeest serenely wandering between the lights? No zookeeper with an ounce of integrity would ever get on board, but we can pretend…
IN CONCLUSION
Alas, we will never see the Osborne Spectacle of Dancing Lights again – not as we remember it. But we can still see it at the Give Kids the World Village. As noted above, that’s where much of the display no lives, and with a charitable donation you can snag yourself a spot in any number of holiday events there, should you be an Orlando local.
For the rest of us, there is only the memory… or maybe the borrowed memories of others. Perhaps in an alternate universe one of the above ideas came to pass. Which would you choose? Where would you put the Osborne Lights if you ran the World?
Don’t forget, you can follow FRoA on Twitter @fairestrunofall and on Instagram @fairestrunofall. If you have any questions or thoughts, leave a comment or email fairestrunofall@gmail.com. See ya real soon!