What I Found Odd About Velocicoaster & Other Universal Observations

I decided not to do a proper trip report for my single Universal Studios Florida day. By the combined powers of Universal’s Express Pass and the touring style of my trip group, it was all very ride-to-ride-to-ride (and Velocicoaster three times!). Efficient, yes, but hardly entertaining when rendered in prose.

Still, you know I can’t go to a theme park without writing several gazillion words about the experience. I did make some observations I felt were worth recounting – only you can judge the value!

THE THING I FOUND ODD ABOUT VELOCICOASTER

Minor ride spoilers below. Proceed at your own risk.

Half the reason I was excited for this trip to begin with? One word: VELOCICOASTER. And I must say, it lived up to the hype! It skates right up to the line of maximum intensity without crossing over. I might have preferred one or two additional breather moments like when you crest the big loop and see the whole resort set out before you, but you’d be hard pressed to match it for sheer thrills.

Where I find the disconnect is in the story. All real theme park attractions evoke some sort of narrative. Sometimes that is as subtle as simply suggesting a certain time, place, or circumstance through set dressing and music. Other times you’re experiencing a retelling of a known intellectual property’s story. Arguably the most popular, however, is when Something Goes Wrong.

SOMETHING IS DEFINITELY GOING TO GO WRONG ON VELOCICOASTER

You know the type. Like how in Dinosaur when Dr. Seeker literally says “What could go wrong?” and then you almost go extinct in the late Cretaceous. Or to keep it closer to Universal home, how on the Jurassic Park River Adventure your boat gets knocked off course and you’re menaced by raptors and a T-Rex. Things tend to go awry when you mess with monstrous lizards in particular.

The preshow setup for Velocicoaster suggests that it too is a ride where Something Goes Wrong. There’s a whole video right before the load area where Claire and Owen from Jurassic World get in a big ol’ fight about how a roller coaster running through the raptor habitat is a VERY. BAD. IDEA. Owen shouts about it for several minutes. I felt primed for not just a roller coaster but an immersive experience. Menacing raptors seemed inevitable. I was ready for a chase!

AND THEN… NOTHING GOES WRONG

Nothing happens on Velocicoaster.

Okay, that’s not strictly true. You get launched twice and go upside down a LOT (I like that twisty bit over the water at the end especially). But for all Owen’s ominous warnings about the raptors being up to the challenge, he doesn’t seem to know what he’s talking about.

Admittedly there are the raptor containment stalls at the very beginning of the ride. And you do see some static raptor figures at various points throughout the coaster. I would’ve loved it if they’d been animatronics – a little movement goes a long way – but I understand why Universal didn’t want to splash out for that given how quickly we race by them. Maybe that’s the whole argument for abandoning the narrative. How do you tell a cohesive story at 70 miles an hour?

As it happens, I have an idea, and it wouldn’t even be that hard to implement…

VELOCICOASTER NEEDS AUDIO

Velocicoaster could be readily plussed with the addition of on-ride narration. Use the same technology as Rip Ride Rockit and pipe in Owen describing what the raptors are up to as they stalk you through their jungle. No crazy story details needed – a periodic “GO GO GO!!!!” while you’re closer to the ground and within potential reach of the raptors’ talons; some “don’t get too comfortable because they know where you’ll be next” while you’re higher in the air.

The second launch in particular would be a fantastic place to add some urgency. Move a couple of the statues there, have Owen freak tf out in your ear about how the raptors are thisclose to getting you, and BAM! Off you shoot. The chase continues. Huge sighs of relief when you return to the safety of the station, and a final warning that you might not be so lucky next time. The narrative loop is now closed.

Do I think Universal will do this? No, I do not. Velocicoaster is a massive hit, considered by many to be the best roller coaster in the country, and they don’t need to improve it to satisfy their riders. Except me, obviously. But a girl can dream.

A COUPLE MORE UNIVERSAL NOTES & THEN YOU CAN GO

Just a bit of housekeeping, because if I don’t exorcise all my thoughts into blog posts they rattle around my brain and then I really can’t sleep.

One more note about Velocicoaster: in my opinion, it’s better at night. The raptor screens at the start are much clearer in the dark, and the thrills are intensified when you’re not as confident in where you’re headed next. Try it!

Hagrid’s Magical Creature Motorbike Adventure, however, is better in the day. I didn’t find the lighting to be adequate for the show scenes, particularly as regards the centaurs in the forest.

Hollywood Rip Ride Rockit, though much maligned in the coaster fan community, is still pretty fun in my book. However, you may have heard that Universal recently cut down on the musical selections. I don’t know how they decided which songs to prune, but they seem to have elected to keep only one song per category, and they all SUCK.

Kidding! That’s a matter of opinion. But making “Welcome to the Black Parade” by My Chemical Romance the sole selection in the Classic Rock category is an INSULT TO MUSIC and I will not be told otherwise.

That’s all for now! Until my next Universal trip, where I will no doubt find some new things to complain about. I can’t wait! 😅

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