How Slow Can I Go? Marine Corps Marathon 2024 Recap

I set out with a unique goal as I approached the 2024 Marine Corps Marathon: my aim was to run the slowest non-runDisney marathon I’d ever clocked.

Huh? Why would anyone want to do that? Isn’t the whole point of races trying to improve upon your time?

Well, yes, but then again, no. In light of my lingering knee troubles, I didn’t even want to think about heroics. This was a cut-and-dry case of “just finish and don’t hurt yourself.” Sometimes I’ll say that but then gun for time anyway, in case there’s a miracle. But with Dopey around the corner, I wasn’t taking any chances.

I determined that I was going to decide, in advance, to run this marathon slowly. Finishing at all would be its own reward, and hey, why not making it feel like I’m accomplishing something anyway? So I set myself the challenge that is the thesis of this post: could I run my slowest non-runDisney marathon ever? Walk with me. (JK, you’re gonna have to run.)

THE LEADUP

I woke up at 4:45am to a balmy 40 degree temperature – definitely Plan B outfit weather, although great for running generally. I threw all my stuff on, Erika and I hopped in the car, and we headed toward Crystal City.

At this early hour, it was pretty smooth sailing until we got about a block from the parking garage; we ended up in line for 20 minutes or so. Luckily we were still able to park and slide into the shuttle line in good time.

Mind you, that shuttle line was looooooooong. It wrapped all the way around the garage; I think we spent another 20 minutes in it. By the time we boarded a bus it was 6:31, so technically past the shuttle “cutoff” time. We happened to drive past the remaining queue, and it was just as long as it had been when we jumped in. I’m sure they kept running the shuttles, but yeah – if you’re planning to drive to MCM, I highly recommend arriving early.

The shuttle dropped us off a short-to-medium walk from the staging area, and we spent some time doing the usual prerace things. Porta potties, snacks, activities of that nature. Erika and I parted ways for our “corrals” about 20 minutes before go time, although those corrals were pretty meaningless. There were three corral bib colors, but I saw all of them everywhere. Despite the implications, seeding remains self-regulated at the Marine Corps Marathon.

Normal prerace rigamarole commenced, with the anthem and such, and some less normal prerace rigamarole in the form of the Osprey flyover, which is neat. Then the race was off, and we in the mid-pack began our slow crawl toward the front. According to my Garmin, I crossed the start 22 minutes later.

MARINE CORPS MARATHON 2024: THE FIRST HALF

Longtime readers know that, unlike psychologically healthy, well-adjusted people, I have a lot more trouble controlling my mental game in the FIRST half of a marathon, not the second. I think it has something to do with having more miles ahead of me upon which to project what-ifs. So even though I started the race feeling surprisingly good, I had to manage my headspace carefully.

I started by reminding myself of my [lack of] speed goal, and concentrated on keep things chill. It was heartening to find myself experiencing zero pain, but there was no sense in getting cocky with 26.2 whole miles on the line.

In this way, the first couple miles or so passed by with surprising speed, although I honestly didn’t remember so many inclines? Nothing crazy, but I remembered things flatter. Finishing a marathon really does make you forgetful!

I particularly enjoyed my time in Georgetown as per usual – the Marine Corps Marathon really does have a superior spectator game – and allowed myself a leisurely stroll through every water stop, supplementing with fuel as needed. I also searched for a bathroom with minimal lines, but it didn’t seem to be happening. By mile eight I broke and lost the five minutes to bladder relief. So what – like I’m in a hurry or something?

Things remained fairly uneventful for another couple miles, with the next event of note being the Wear Blue/Run to Remember mile that started around 13. This mile is lined with posters of Faces of the Fallen, individuals who died in service of the American military. I tried to look at every face and age at time of death on my side of the road. The mile closes out with a line of flanking American flags. I find it a rather beautiful ritual even if you’re not the jingoistic type.

MARINE CORPS MARATHON 2024: THE SECOND HALF

By this point we were inside mile 14, and things were looking up! Except that they weren’t: we hit the first food stop, and THERE WAS NO FOOD. Not an Untapped fuel stick to be had! Unless you wanted to pick some used ones of the ground; plenty of those. This was funny to me as at the beginning of the race the announcer was touting the marathon as being a showcase of the Marines’ organizational skills (which was ALSO funny to me as I find this a hilarious reason to put on a marathon, but I digress).

Ah well; I’d brought some of my own fuel too. I snacked on another stroopwaffel and put on some music while I was walking. Fun side note: Erika told me that she was so disappointed there was no food that she bought a hotdog from a street vendor. She wins.

Incidentally, there was another food stop later on in the race, and it was perfectly well stocked. Not sure what happened there. Quirk of the profession!

My steady trudging carried me along until I found myself entering the section on the National Mall. As I was making the turn I saw a Park Police helicopter landing?! But that was behind me, so I kept it moving. Erika later told me she witnessed some EMTs working on a collapsed runner; fingers crossed that they made a recovery.

The Mall is always a marathon course highlight, not only because of all the fun museums and such, but because of the major spectator turnout. Tons of great signs and people in costumes and passing out candy. Plus, you’re already at mile 19!

Of course, the Mall is immediately followed by the 14th Street Bridge, which everyone knows sucks. I can’t fully explain to you why it sucks, as it’s not like it’s hilly or anything, but it does. It has, historically, been something of an Achilles’ heel of mine.

However, this time around, I had already made the decision to fun for my worst marathon time. So I walked a bunch of the bridge. Not all of it – I got some intervals going – but as much as I felt like. Heck, I straight up stopped for a mile 20 pic. Why not? Who’s in a hurry?

See, at this point, I was admittedly starting to feel my lackluster training. My lungs felt good, but my legs were tired. My knees (oh yes, the right one decided to complain too) weren’t painful; still, I experienced intermittent discomfort which I staved off with some ibuprofen. Thus I called upon my race goal: take it slow! Walk if you wanna! You’ve made the bridge cutoff in plenty of time so it’s NBD!

And I fully stand by this decision. It kept the hurt at bay mentally, and y’know what? It kept the hurt at bay physically, too. I discovered extended walk breaks meant that when I started running again I felt shockingly good. Counterintuitively, I could stretch the running portions longer than I might’ve if I had pushed harder. When the fatigue set in, I rinsed and repeated.

And that’s how I ate away at the miles that stood between me at Crystal City, where I stopped for a Fireball shot for the first time because that’s how you Party Pace! The very idea made me laugh as I zipped through my favorite part of the race. Seriously, the spectator energy is great all the way through the Marine Corps Marathon, but Crystal City is THE BEST. You’re so close and everyone’s so happy for you.

Shoutout to the guy on crutches whose sign read “You’ve made it farther than I did!”

FINISHING THIS SUCKER UP

Once you exit Crystal City around mile 23, there’s a bit of a lull as you traverse the same roads that just that very morning you walked on your way to the start. I find this portion to be the least spectator-dense, which makes sense as most people head to the finish line at that point. But a stalwart few still made it with their signs, my personal favorite being a recurring big pink banner that read “MAMA AIN’T RAISE NO BITCHES.” She didn’t!

I continued using my walk-a-bit-run-a-bit strategy as I bopped along to my music, even though my Shokz kept warning me they were running out of battery (they’re kinda old; need new ones). I just managed to get through the beautiful string break of Lou Reed’s “Perfect Day” as they died, but that was okay because I could literally see the mile 26 sign! Yay!

Then it was time to face the Very Mean Marine Corps Marathon finish line, which is at THE TOP OF A HILL. It’s not a huge hill, but that never makes it feel less personal. And I was in better shape than I might have otherwise expected. I was able to push myself up the incline at a run and perform a slomo facsimile of a sprint across the finish line, two minutes slower than my previous slowest marathon time to boot! Mission accomplished, baby! Yeah, you read that right!

POST-MARATHON FESTIVITIES

I grabbed an offered bottle of water from a Marine, then grabbed my medal from another Marine, and then took some medal selfies with the Iwo Jima statue.

As I was doing so, a very nice lady came up and suggested we swap ’round taking proper photos of each other. This we did, after which she gifted me a Canada pin, explaining that she was from Ottawa. I thought that was such a sweet idea. If I ever run an international race, maybe I’ll bring something fun to hand out. Perhaps NASA related – we still have NASA going for us, right? The rest of the world still likes NASA?

From there I collected some snacks and more water from volunteers. Oh, the Marines give you a bag to put all your stuff in, by the way – are you listening, runDisney? And then I kinda wandered at a leisurely pace down the finisher chute. I sat down to text people at certain points, did a little stretching on a curb, and finally found myself at the finisher’s village.

Believe it or not, I have never hung out there. I always headed straight home. This time around I had some time to kill as Erika was still out there crushing it on the course. It was pretty cute! I bought a sweatshirt for my dad (I would love him to stop wearing dumb sweatshirts representing my dumb college and start repping something I genuinely care about) from the merch tent, tried some samples (free watermelon FTW!!!), and reflected on finishing my 20th marathon and 5th Marine Corps Marathon. I’m in the club now!

Once Erika arrived, we picked up the race shuttle and headed back to Crystal City. The shuttle driver got lost, and in that way, we ended on a true runDisney moment.

FINAL THOUGHTS ON MY SLOWEST MARATHON

Okay, hear me out: I think there are circumstances where aiming for your slowest marathon is a great idea. For the undertrained/injured/undertrained because they are injured, it’s a wonderful way to reframe your mindset for a safe and enjoyable race. I mean, if you’re not going for a PR anyway, why take risks? Don’t go for time; go for a good time.

As I said, I was two minutes slower than my previous slowest non-runDisney marathon time at the 2017 Baltimore Marathon. I was also working through a nagging injury there… and I spent a MISERABLE marathon trying my darnedest and berating my poor performance the whole way. Letting it go and letting God(-given instincts) take over was infinitely more pleasant.

Of course, in a perfect world, you’d show up to the race start well-trained and ready to roll. That’s the hope for next year – because I’m definitely signing up for next year. It’s the 50th anniversary of the Marine Corps Marathon, so how can you not? Don’t forget to work a Fireball shot into your training plan.

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