I’ll tell you why I signed up for the Princess Half Marathon Weekend Fairytale Challenge this year. It wasn’t the featured princesses – it was the addition of the Disney villains. Yes, it’s Princess Week, but let’s take things in an alternate direction, shall we?
IT’S GOOD TO BE BAD
I know I’m not alone in this. It’s hardly revolutionary to declare oneself a fan of Disney’s evildoers. Heck, Disney just announced a whole villains-themed land for the Magic Kingdom at D23. You can buy Maleficent horn headbands and Evil Queen t-shirts and Ursula shell necklaces. I’m not trying to push the idea that Disney villains are awesome; we know this. But I would like to take it a step further. I say the Disney villains are the best part.
Now, this is very much the vast majority of people will only come to realize in their old age. I too was one of those sensitive kids who find Disney villains distressingly scary. Once you get it, though, you definitely get it!
Put aside, even, those goofy antagonists who are designed more as foils than as true foe. Hades is primarily a standup comedian (he was designed with Leno in mind, after all!). As much as I adore Meet the Robinsons, the Bowler Hat Guy is ultimately a sympathetic character, and DOR15’s sinister denouement amounts to barely more than a blip. Kronk and Yzma, while absolutely hilarious, are so comical as to barely qualify as villains to begin with.
No, I’m talking the villain villains. The BAD guys. The characters that ooze evil and garner little if any empathy for their so-called plights. But since they’re Disney villains, they’re never perversely evil. Just evil enough to get the good songs and quotes! No, you’re not really rooting for them, but they’re pretty awesome once you realize…
DISNEY VILLAINS HAVE ICONIC CHARACTER DESIGN
Maleficent’s horns, anyone? (Also known as an escoffion.) The Evil Queen’s tight-fitted white headdress? (And that, I believe, is a coif.)
Ursula, it has been pointed out, is a shapeshifter. As Vanessa she proves she could be as traditionally beautiful in the Eurocentric style as Ariel. Instead she’s a fabulous Rubenesque meroctopus because she chooses to be.
Could you reliably pick Mufasa out of a lineup of animated lions? No, but you’d know Scar on account of his, well, scar. Cruella has an entire movie dedicated to her fashion sense. Name a Disney princess that can say the same!
DISNEY VILLAINS GET ALL THE BEST LINES (AND VOICE ACTORS)
Is anyone more endlessly quotable than a Disney villain? Admittedly, they are often the lines that go over kids’ heads, adding to the adult appeal of the characters. Given that we all, alas, spend more of our lives as adults than kids, I’m okay with that. It adds depth!
Starting with one that might not immediately come to mind, I find Shan Yu from Mulan a sleeper. His initially nonchalant tone juxtapositioned with the sudden flowering of his temper is debonairly chilling. How many men does it take to deliver a message?
Perhaps you’d prefer a more popular example. Well, someone in Walt Disney World right now is wearing a t-shirt with The Lion King‘s Scar on it that says “I’m surrounded by idiots.” I wish I was voiced by Jeremy Irons. I’d have so much more gravitas.
Or Pat Carroll as Ursula in The Little Mermaid. Or Christopher Plummer as Charles Muntz from Up. I know I sort of discounted Yzma from The Emperor’s New Groove above, but she’s voiced by Earth Kitt, for God’s sake. Eartha. Kitt. And Disney movie or no, she DOES NOT HOLD BACK. Purr, darling.
Hey, did you know Yzma was supposed to get a song? Speaking of which,
DISNEY VILLAINS GET ALL THE BEST SONGS
I’ve read Frozen‘s Elsa was originally meant to be the villain of the piece, until someone felt “Let It Go” was too empowering of a banger to be sung by a bad guy. While we all know that Frozen was a certified smash hit, I’m not convinced the underlying thinking was sound. It’s akin to using the wrong math formula to get the right answer, you know?
Get ready for a singalong, because it’s time to hit the high notes!
Let’s circle back to Scar. His incredible “Be Prepared” is so layered with real-world evil imagery it borders on the satirical, adding a completely different angle of fright once you grow up enough to catch the insidious movements of the hyenas. Jeremy Irons lost his voice recording it – that’s how much power he gave the part!
Deeper into the Disney Renaissance, I’m fully convinced The Hunchback of Notre Dame was greenlit exclusively because the soundtrack killed. Why else would you try to make a kids’ movie out of that source material? Anyway, “Hellfire” can’t be described as anything but majestic, even if Frollo is the one singing it.
No list of definitive Disney villain songs can be complete without Ursula’s “Poor Unfortunate Souls.” Dare I go so far as to suggest it is an inverted feminist anthem? You see, on land it’s much preferred for ladies not to say a word – but we’re underwater and Ursula’s gonna belt it for ya.
Even the songs about the villains are highlights. As a kid I loved the puppies. Now “Cruella de Vil” MAKES 101 Dalmatians and I will not be told otherwise. Who’s more memorable in this movie – Anita or the crazy woman driver?
BONUS ROUND: DISNEY VILLAINS GET ALL THE BEST SIDEKICKS
Flotsam and Jetsam! Pain and Panic! Horace and Jasper! Lucifer! Iago! Sir Hiss! Joanna! Shenzi, Banzai, and Ed!
Meanwhile, what’s Flounder? Ugh, such a guppy. 😉
IN CONCLUSION
Some people would love nothing more than to voice a Disney princess. And yeah, that would be fun. But I don’t know; I might prefer to be a Disney villain. Why be very demure, very mindful when you can be very naughty, very powerful?
Don’t forget, you can follow FRoA on Twitter @fairestrunofall and on Instagram @fairestrunofall. If you have any questions or thoughts, leave a comment or email fairestrunofall@gmail.com. See ya real soon!